The Husband I Wish I Had
He is so lazy he would never wash my car……
There is no way my husband would ever buy me flowers, I am the last thing on his mind……
I see other husbands who hold their wives hands, I can rest assured mine never would……
I bet Grace’s husband would never talk to her the way my husband talks to me…….
Have you have ever had thoughts like this about your husband?
I know I have and there have been times in my marriage where I let these thoughts get away from me. My mind was clouded with all the things my husband wasn’t instead of all the things he was. And when I lingered on these thoughts, anger and bitterness began to seep in. It became a struggle to respect my husband when I all I could see was what he didn’t do.
When I came in to marriage, I had little premarital counseling and the assumption that my husband was going to meet my every need. Isn’t that what the movies tell us? It didn’t take long to realize he was not going to be able to live up to my expectations.
But over time, God began to work in my heart. I realized that ultimately marriage is not about my satisfaction or what my husband can do for me. I am called to love my husband regardless of his performance or if he does all the things I want him to do. The bible says, “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives.” (I Peter 3:1, NKJV) That verse says to me that I am called to be Christ-like in my marriage and that my conduct could draw my husband to Christ. What an awesome calling and responsibility.
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives.
I Peter 3:1, NKJV
And ladies, have you ever thought what a mighty responsibility husbands have? The bible says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her.” (Ephesians 5:25, NKJV). That is a tall order! Husbands are called to love sacrificially. And, really, aren’t we all? I know that I don’t deserve the grace God gives me so how important it is that we extend grace to our husbands. They are fighting a hard fight, and the enemy is relentless in his pursuit of husbands as the head of the household.
Some of you may be thinking, “You just don’t know my husband and the truth is,: I don’t, but God does. Pray for you husband and look for ways you can affirm him. Encourage him and look for the things he does right instead of the things he does wrong. And, single ladies, pray for your future husband if that is what God has in store for you. But we all, if single or married, should pray for all the men in our lives: our fathers, brothers, uncles and so on. I too often forget to pray for all the other men in my life.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her.
Ephesians 5:25, NKJV
Many of you may have heard of the book, Love and Respect by Emmerson Eggerichs. In it, the author says that a man’s greatest need is to be respected. I asked my husband if he felt that way and he said, “Yes, as husbands, we want to know that our wives are proud of us and that they trust us to make decisions for our families.” That was really eye-opening to me to know that it mattered that much to him what I thought.
And, if you are thinking, “I have done a terrible job in this area, I have made so many mistakes, the truth is, we all have.” Just keep pressing forward and ask God to help you see the good and honorable things in your husband. And, remember the things that drew you to your husband when you were dating or courting. Those things are still there. My prayer for us all as women is that we would remember that our husbands are not our saviors. That is a role that only God can fill. God is the only One who can fill our needs, whether we be married, single, divorced or widowed, He truly is the lover of our souls. But we can be women who continually pray and edify the men in our lives and who look for the things they do right.